PROGRESS!!! Singapore's Mass Rapid Transit system improves
And in other news, SMRT celebrates how it has become SO much more intelligent after being told* *(when they could simply have just sat their own fat-asses on top of the stupid things and discovered this for themselves...) that:
WOOOHOO!!! WHAT A REVELATION!!! I can already see some certain people dancing already in the light of this miraculous discovery!!!!
Notice the two faults here: (1) "Too high"... and (2) "too slippery".
Number (1) could easily have been had for a liittle bit of that liitlely-had thing called "common sense": Look... Think... Measure your own bum-height... and then GO THINK AGAIN. We interview a certain "Mr. Scientist Tan", who had this interesting thing to say, about the definition of "bum height"....
(so sorry - but we had to cut him off at this point). Yes, no bums will be bumming off at the bum rest anytime now!!! (What a bummer). If they SLEEP, they'll SLIP...
Number (2)... well, slightly more effort there, but... WHO THE HELL IN THE DAMN WORLD IMPLEMENTS A DAMN THING WITHOUT GETTING SOME DECENT FEEDBACK OR AT LEAST SOME SORT OF PERFUNCTORY TESTING (or at least a small little focus group. Huh???? ... Pleeeease????)? Oh, but I forget - we live in Singapore here. Singapore's not normal. We are... "world class". We adhere to... "world class standards". We do things... different from the rest of the world. Cos Singapore is unique, you see. Uniquely Singapore-ean way of doing things. I see now... I have been sadly mistaken. It has been ALL MY FAULT All Along. I should SHUT UP - and STOP THINKING. (No, WAIT - that can't be right - we DO need people who CAN think!!! Just think in the right way. Along the right lines. And only about approved things only.... Where was I when they tried to inculcate that into us through the school system??? Sheesh.)
Anyway... we witness now this celebration of "progress" and "SM(a)RT"-ness in the form of a special press release for this:
http://smrt.com.sg/news/2007/Minibench%20news%20release(final).pdf
Initially termed "bum rests", they have now gone from reducing the height of the slippery damn things ("bum rests") from a height of 70cm to 62.5cm, to.... altogether scrapping the silly damn things, and going from "bum rests"... to "mini benches" now.
All this, in an effort to ensure that instead of waiting out the entire length of the delay for a train in relative discomfort... customers (well, at least some!!! Not everybody gets a seat on these limited edition comfort stylish apparatus... You know. The earlysucker loser "wait"-er bird gets the worm...) GET TO DO IT IN CLASS!!! OHH, THE COMFORT OF THOSE BEA-U-TIFUL BENCHES....
And they get to enjoy the entertainment (OHH, THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL!!!) of the many adverts screened overhead in those delightful overhead LCD panels.... So new, so technologically advanced... WOW.... - all for us the many beautiful customers to enjoy.... SMRT's new slogan should not be "Moving People, Enhancing Lives". It should be "Enhancing People While They Wait . . ." ....
Time to get me some SMRT shares now. Cos I can just see that HUGE SURGE of popularity, and gratefulness looming over the horizon. Anytime now. Anytime now....
the bum rests were too high and slippery
WOOOHOO!!! WHAT A REVELATION!!! I can already see some certain people dancing already in the light of this miraculous discovery!!!!
Notice the two faults here: (1) "Too high"... and (2) "too slippery".
Number (1) could easily have been had for a liittle bit of that liitlely-had thing called "common sense": Look... Think... Measure your own bum-height... and then GO THINK AGAIN. We interview a certain "Mr. Scientist Tan", who had this interesting thing to say, about the definition of "bum height"....
"Bum height", or "base bum height" as it should be accurately called, is the height of the base of your bum from the floor when standing up straight.
In other words, if your bum height has to be 70cm [Editor's note: the original height of the "bum rests"] or above, you had better be Freakin' Tall!....
Also, the shape, and "curvature" [Editor's note: see side profile of the "bum rest", as seen in the picture above] of the bum rest, combined together with its incline, and its "non-stick nature" ensures that you will perpetually be struggling to keep your bum planted on the bum rest.
...
(so sorry - but we had to cut him off at this point). Yes, no bums will be bumming off at the bum rest anytime now!!! (What a bummer). If they SLEEP, they'll SLIP...
Number (2)... well, slightly more effort there, but... WHO THE HELL IN THE DAMN WORLD IMPLEMENTS A DAMN THING WITHOUT GETTING SOME DECENT FEEDBACK OR AT LEAST SOME SORT OF PERFUNCTORY TESTING (or at least a small little focus group. Huh???? ... Pleeeease????)? Oh, but I forget - we live in Singapore here. Singapore's not normal. We are... "world class". We adhere to... "world class standards". We do things... different from the rest of the world. Cos Singapore is unique, you see. Uniquely Singapore-ean way of doing things. I see now... I have been sadly mistaken. It has been ALL MY FAULT All Along. I should SHUT UP - and STOP THINKING. (No, WAIT - that can't be right - we DO need people who CAN think!!! Just think in the right way. Along the right lines. And only about approved things only.... Where was I when they tried to inculcate that into us through the school system??? Sheesh.)
Anyway... we witness now this celebration of "progress" and "SM(a)RT"-ness in the form of a special press release for this:
http://smrt.com.sg/news/2007/Minibench%20news%20release(final).pdf
Initially termed "bum rests", they have now gone from reducing the height of the slippery damn things ("bum rests") from a height of 70cm to 62.5cm, to.... altogether scrapping the silly damn things, and going from "bum rests"... to "mini benches" now.
All this, in an effort to ensure that instead of waiting out the entire length of the delay for a train in relative discomfort... customers (well, at least some!!! Not everybody gets a seat on these limited edition comfort stylish apparatus... You know. The early
And they get to enjoy the entertainment (OHH, THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL!!!) of the many adverts screened overhead in those delightful overhead LCD panels.... So new, so technologically advanced... WOW.... - all for us the many beautiful customers to enjoy.... SMRT's new slogan should not be "Moving People, Enhancing Lives". It should be "Enhancing People While They Wait . . ." ....
Time to get me some SMRT shares now. Cos I can just see that HUGE SURGE of popularity, and gratefulness looming over the horizon. Anytime now. Anytime now....
Labels: bum rests, press release, progress, Singapore, slogan, SMRT, world class
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