}-- I, Am A COMEDiAN --:>

Dave in trouble

2008-11-04T12:34:00.004+08:00

This one courtesy of Comedy Central's "Joke of the Day"... (I weed out the good stuff for you guys ;)):Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym, his wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is

"Normal"

2008-10-16T19:57:00.002+08:00

What is "normal" to most of us? Normal is...Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.- Ellen Goodman

One-Way Trichet?

2008-09-13T15:25:00.003+08:00

(via IdleBanter August 2008):Making his way toward Paris one day in 1524, the impecunious French humanist and writer Francois Rabelais found himself stranded at a country inn with no means to continue his journey, never mind to pay his bill.He assembled three small packets - labeled "Poison for the King," "Poison for Monsieur," and "Poison for the Dauphin" - and left them wehere the innkeeper was

The civil arrest party (and I mean "party" party!!!) in New Zealand

2008-08-03T15:09:00.010+08:00

What a party it was, on Saturday 26 2008, when a party of many turned up to try to arrest "Fugitive Rice" (makes narrow escape in Auckland).From the front page of Indymedia (Independent Media Center):United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice made a narrow escape from justice, with the assistance of the New Zealand Police, in Auckland on Saturday 26 July. The police can now consider

Oooolllllld Lawyer

2008-07-16T20:33:00.001+08:00

Another Comedy Central "Joke of the Day" hit...Oooolllllld LawyerA lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and

The popular mule

2008-07-16T20:25:00.003+08:00

This is a long time coming in a series of Comedy Central's "Joke of the Day"s that were either not funny, or at best mediocre...The popular muleA newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her

Marital Counseling

2008-05-14T02:16:00.002+08:00

This, is a bit about expectations, and "set" mindsets...A husband and wife went for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable; an

John Lennon, quotable quotes

2008-04-22T01:28:00.001+08:00

Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry. - John Lennon:)

KFC: Our Daily Cheekeen (Chicken)

2008-04-22T01:11:00.002+08:00

KFC: Our Daily ChickenA salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken"

another definition of politics.

2008-04-18T19:55:00.004+08:00

from Quotable quotes of the day:Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.- Paul ValerySound familiar to you? ;) Anyway, I've blogged about another definition of politics here, on "I, Am A Comedian" as well (so see that link for more quotable fun). Here's wishing you the best (and non-violent) life, wherever you may live!!!

"Helisoft" - or, "how to know it when you're in la-la land...."

2008-04-14T21:18:00.005+08:00

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building

the 2 stone statues in the temple in Singapore

2008-04-12T13:30:00.001+08:00

as seen elsewhere: (don't hit the messenger!!! ;))An American tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed two statues of a man and a woman by the altar.He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensured that the universal balance was

NOW you can feel like a man too!!!

2008-04-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

Presenting the latest craze to hit Japan, and be a top hit among schoolgirls, the newest (and definitely one of the whackiest) game and toy ever for the Wii, the Super Pii Pii Brothers!!!A video says a million (and a picture says a thousand ;)) words, so why don't we let the following video speak for itself? :)Does this gross you out? :P I dunno, but I'm sure it'll help women appreciate the joys

you won't see this at the Singapore Zoo!!!

2008-04-09T23:31:00.004+08:00

And I wonder why... Until I get some more information from an insider, though, I can't say for sure that this zoo is waay better in terms of creativity. For all we know, this could be the same show that the locals get to see every year as well....

Where do you find...

2008-04-07T21:46:00.002+08:00

..a dog with no legs?Where you left it.

the secret to a good day's sleep...

2008-04-04T00:45:00.006+08:00

You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong.- Johann von NeumannI guess von Neumann (as he might be more commonly known or called) was a very confident man now, wasn't he? :) And judging from the list of his contributions, I'd say the man had reason to be... His contributions have spanned a vast range of fields. (Or perhaps that was the reason for this

Quote of the day - on truth and humor...

2008-04-03T00:06:00.004+08:00

The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.- Robertson DaviesNot completely true, but oftentimes, it's about the plausibility of things that makes it funny...

"We only want to hire FOREIGNERS"!!!!

2008-03-20T18:03:00.003+08:00

Fantastic, these people...For recruitment ads, is it legal to exclude guys with ICT liability?For example, is it legal to include such a line for recruitment ads."Male with ICT liabilities need not apply" We are a fast pace company so cannot allow any disruptions to the work flow.Aren't you glad there are such companies around? No wait, such SINGAPOREANS around!!!!How did this even happen in the

Quote of the day - the automobile, vs the computer

2008-03-12T00:13:00.004+08:00

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.- Robert X. CringelyNote about the "exploding once a year" thing - we probably need to update that with our current knowledge of the current family of Windows operating systems! I'll bet it's more than once

ALL-NEW, OMAROSA-FREE "The Celebrity Apprentice"! WOOHOO!!

2008-03-08T20:16:00.004+08:00

sorry, but I just had to say it... :)If you missed the last episode of "The Celebrity Apprentice" (this is episode 10, btw), you reeally should see it. I don't want to spoil it all for you (so I won't give out any spoilers here), but suffice it to say that you should watch it alll the way TO THE END... And check out the preview of the next episode as well (so don't just switch it off once you see

My Father, The Whorehouse Piano Player

2008-03-06T15:31:00.003+08:00

Fresh off the Comedy Central "Joke of the Day" machine, and meaningfully "QA-ed", and verified as "good! ;)" by yours truly....A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you're first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet

stupid stinking Singaporean man. Now Singapore has become (more of a) laughing stock

2008-03-02T00:51:00.005+08:00

a whooole slew of forum threads from hardwarezone's Current Affairs Lounge....100% accurate solution on how JI Terrorist escapedCost of an honest mistakeJI detainee escapes from detention centreWong Kang Seng Says JI Detainee's Escape Due To Security LapseInterpol to help catch a LIMP manand many more....And now finally, a destination NOT to go to as well!!!Other than that, Singapore is honestly

Unholy Trinity of Sins

2008-02-21T17:56:00.003+08:00

Ok, Comedy Central calls this one "Three Nuns", but I thought my own naming for this one might be more suitable... I dunno - you be the judge!!!Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's

"For Your Information" - Fight the Power: Art for Social Change Presents, "POLITICAL COMEDY"

2008-02-20T16:29:00.004+08:00

Happened to surf into this while searching for stuff on google:This is in the University of Maryland, MD USA, so too bad for us folks who live too far away, and won't be able to take the time out to fly down there personally to attend this!!! I just wish there was like a live cam or something - make the event and goings on viewable to the rest of the public as well...Oh well!!!The synopsis is as

Oh GEE WHIZ!!! a NEW digital toy to ENCOURAGE SOCIAL INTERACTION FOR YOUR SICKENING KIDS!!!

2008-02-19T22:45:00.005+08:00

Forgive me for being a real skeptic, but does this newfangled thing ("innovative"*??? Hardly!!!) really spell "new fantastic social interaction" for your kids? (see video below)Ok, perhaps (and that's a Very BIG perhaps!!!) it does, but for how long, one wonders? Take a look at the kids in the video - one really doubts that these little guys and girls are really enjoying what they are acting to

Don't forget dictators too!!!

2008-02-18T22:18:00.001+08:00

Saw the following quote on Quotes of the day:The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.- David Friedman

Legless Poodle

2008-02-17T01:24:00.003+08:00

Q: What do you call a poodle with no legs?A: A sponge.

Zen Sausage

2008-01-30T01:11:00.000+08:00

Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor:Make me one with everything.HA!!!! :P

PROGRESS!!! Singapore's Mass Rapid Transit system improves

2008-01-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

And in other news, SMRT celebrates how it has become SO much more intelligent after being told* *(when they could simply have just sat their own fat-asses on top of the stupid things and discovered this for themselves...) that: the bum rests were too high and slipperyWOOOHOO!!! WHAT A REVELATION!!! I can already see some certain people dancing already in the light of this miraculous discovery!!!!

Of catfish and lawyers

2008-01-26T11:27:00.000+08:00

Gopalan Nair has been talking, and posting a fair bit (and giving his piece of mind!) about Singapore lawyers recently to the Sg_Review yahoogroup. And guess what joke I should stumble upon today than a "catfish-and-lawyer" joke.... ;PWhat's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other is just a fish.

Ronald Reagan on Abortion

2008-01-22T10:27:00.000+08:00

Did you know that Ronald Reagan was known as much for his charisma, and sense of humour as he was for being President of the United States? Bet you did! But then again... maybe not... (see video clip at the bottom of this post!!!)Anyway, he had this to say about abortion...Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.And now, for that video clip I mentioned....A peace note

Talking in a foreign accent

2008-01-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

What happens, uh, when you-uh taalk-a, in a foreign-uh acccccent-uh? Well, wonderuh no-uh mooore-uh....Talking ItalianA bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:''Emma come first. I come. Dennis

you know you're old when...

2008-01-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

old memories really bring you back! I can't believe I've never actually recorded this joke here, but...The Aging ExplorerA young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow

humorous forum post of the day

2008-01-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

Having problems with your internet (*especially Cable!!!) connection problem lately??? No worries - hardwarezone forum nick 'mikeeeey' points out the problem for you here....dont think they will do anything about it also..they had been playing the blame game since the start.. call until i fed up.they only tell me nothing wrong with their side, must be my modem, my router, my splitter, my sofa

Grass Eater

2008-01-05T21:24:00.000+08:00

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate."Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man."I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied."Oh, please come to my house!""But sir, I have a wife and four children...""Bring them along!" the rich man said.They all climbed into the limo.

Borat is getting killed!!!

2007-12-25T12:19:00.000+08:00

No kidding!!! Sacha Baron Cohen, creator of "Ali G", and "Borat", is, in fact, saying that he's going to be killing off the 2 characters - the 2 most beloved characters in his repertoire - because of humour issues (as reported by msn - "every new person who sees the Borat movie is one less person I "get" with Borat again"). Oh, come onnn - it can't be that bad, right?You don't see Matt Groening

Meeerry Christmas, People!!!

2007-12-25T12:08:00.000+08:00

:) it's been a year already (well, since the last Christmas! ;)) I just want to wish you folks a very, very, merry, merry Christmas and New Year... I hope you enjoy the site, and the rest of the stuff lined up for you!cheers,

Squirrels and Churches

2007-12-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

The holiday season is here; time for some "churchey" jokes... :PThere were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined

Martin Luther King Jr. quips in

2007-12-08T18:43:00.001+08:00

It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.- Martin Luther King Jr.How true, how true... I didn't know the guy had a sense of humour. :)

Don't Leave 'Em Hanging

2007-11-18T16:34:00.000+08:00

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from

Stoopid Baby Names

2007-11-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS

"I'm a Photographer, Not a..." - a joke, + some comedic theory

2007-09-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

First, let's hear the joke before we talk about the theory...I'm a Photographer, Not a...A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his

funny little quotes of the day - on politics, and imitation....

2007-09-16T20:42:00.002+08:00

Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. - Ambrose BierceWhen people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. - Eric Hoffer

another one for the record - "Hung Like a Horse"

2007-09-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

You've probably heard (or rather, read) this one before, but... since I seem to be building up a rather nice collection of (mostly Comedy Central jokes) jokes around here, here's another one for the record... This time though, I didn't get it from Comedy Central - I got it from off iGoogle....Hung Like a HorseThere was a chicken and a horse playing together on a farm one day. The horse fell into

voracious Quote of the Day, from Robert Bakker

2007-08-31T22:20:00.001+08:00

I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.- Robert BakkerAnybody else you want to name such an animal after? any 3-letter acronym, perhaps? :P

funniest comment I ever heard about the COMEX (or indeed, any IT) show...

2007-08-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

from this posting at hardwarezone's forums...

Odex... 'had "no right of civil action" against illegal downloaders'

2007-08-25T10:53:00.000+08:00

this is wonderful, most wonderful.... When you're just "a sub-licensee and not the copyright owner or exclusive licensee", you may care about the i$$ue, but you know what? You have no rights at all to take legal action against illegal downloaders.... To add on to that, the judge apparently discovered that Odex only appeared to be the exclusive licensee for just ONE title, Mobile Suit Gundam Seed!

ExTREME Animal Control, seriously

2007-08-09T21:16:00.000+08:00

this latest one from Comedy Central is quite interesting... ;PGorilla ControlA man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun."Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof

Comedy Central, and "A Nutty Game"....

2007-07-30T20:18:00.000+08:00

A Nutty GameA doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!"And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down nuts!" And they all sat.After

First, you make fun of them. And then you... change them???

2007-07-22T15:03:00.000+08:00

Over on the other side of the globe (USA, Washington D.C.), Jam Donaldson, an attorney who turned down a lucrative law firm job (see faq) to be a public interest (as opposed to private interests) attorney is attempting to do just that, with her website known as... well, "Hot Ghetto Mess".While most social critique sites (/shows/papers/whatever) usually take on the rich, the powerful, and the

Comedy Central: In-Laws and Out-Laws

2007-07-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

In-Laws and Out-LawsWhat's the difference between out-laws, and in-laws?Out-laws are wanted.

mmm..., mooobillllee... The Simpsons get cellular???

2007-07-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

And nope!!! that wasn't the Homer speaking... That was...well that's probably you if you're a Simpsons fan!!! But the more important question is, is it here, in Singapore??? I doubt so!!!This piece of stupid, spotty reporting, from ZDNet (where I first heard the news from) hardly gives us ANY clue as to where, and how, and what-the-heck where we can get our Simpsons fix from (or at least, just

Former NKF chairman Richard Yong "agrees to extradition"

2007-07-12T09:07:00.000+08:00

This, from the Channel NewsAsia report...I wonder how the HK authories managed to catch him? Anyway, how good of him to agree to extradition! He surely is a good man...They were arrested earlier this month in Hong Kong.Another choice quote from the article:He is alleged to have hidden his assets after being made a bankrupt and disposed of three apartments for nearly 5 million dollars.If convicted

in [SG_REVIEW] - Family of dead woman suspected "she died because the hospital did not have enough blood in its supply."???

2007-07-12T08:17:00.001+08:00

("Woman dies after giving birth to twins, succumbing to DIVC (Disseminated Intra-vascular Coagulopathy), an acute blood coagulation problem arising from massive bleeding and transfusion.") Got to know of this sad news after reading a post to the Sg_Review yahoogroup. To lose your wife after she gives birth to your children - that is a very painful thing indeed...Anyway (this is understandable -

Comedy Central's Joke of the Day...

2007-07-01T18:02:00.000+08:00

TiVoYo mama so fat when she stepped in front of the TV, I missed two episodes.(exactly as sent to me - joke title, grammatical error in sentence [can u spot it? ;)]... There's something about these "yo mama's so fat" jokes...)

"Lawyer... Genius" :)

2007-06-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

again, from Comedy Central. A bit misnamed (yet again), but oh well...Lawyer... GeniusQ: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?A: Your honor.

a drunken man and 3 blondes

2007-06-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

here's making "the worst" of a bad situation... courtesy Comedy Central. Title is as is, although really, somebody ought to "tidy up" those joke titles... I mean... "Drunken Man and Blonde"???? And this isn't as if it's the first time a joke has been incorrectly (or inaccurately) named. Oh well.Drunken Man and BlondeAfter a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already

comedy central again - Leeches, and Lawyers

2007-06-20T02:49:00.000+08:00

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

what I don't get about some comedians

2007-06-20T02:36:00.000+08:00

Jerry Seinfeld - is he really as good as he is? Pardon me, but I don't particularly go for the dead-pan delivery that he uses for his routine. Sure, I get it - it's part of his personal style. It's who he is. But still... couldn't the guy just spruce things up a bit?Some say that Jerry is good, but you know, I would like to think of it this way - as with a lot of the things in life involving "

on [SG_REVIEW] Million-dollar salaried ministers, OA, ICA out-foxed by Richard Yong - ST (5 June 2007) - Editorial: NKF: Plenty of nothing?

2007-06-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

Just saw a post to Sg_Review that sort of made me wonder....Basically, it seems like Richard Yong, former chairman of the NKF, of the NKF scandal, has given us, us the people, us the donors, us the well-meaning ordinary folks of Singapore, us who trusted in the goodness of a supposed "charity" organization, the slip.Now just one question remains - how the heck in the world did that happen????

... and now China too (gets in on "checks and balances")

2007-06-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

(Previously on }-- I, Am A COMEDiAN --:> - Japan vs Singapore: the idea of "checks and balances")if u ever had the delusion that Singapore was strict on its checks and balances... maybe that's because u havent checked out China yet....Ever heard of the former head of China's Food and Drug Administration? Well, looks like he's going to be going without that head real soon! Sentenced just this

Japan vs Singapore: the idea of "checks and balances"

2007-05-29T17:31:00.003+08:00

I have often made jibes about cultural and language differences ("PuhTay'Doe" vs "PuhTahToe" stuff), but here's something a little bit closer to home...(The bigger version. Pls be patient while the picture loads. Wont take that long!)The yahoo url mentioned in the pic - ("Japan farm minister attempts suicide: police") http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070528/wl_nm/japan_minister_dc_2

a celebration, plus "a tip of the hat" to the cartoon that we've learnt to love so much...

2007-05-29T05:11:00.000+08:00

From Yahoo! News - Rolling in d'oh: "Simpsons" hits 400 episodes...Here's a selected quote!:LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Matt Groening remembers the moment he realized that "The Simpsons" -- the Fox show he created, executive produces and has nurtured as his favorite child for 18 seasons -- had grown to become a genuine colossus of popular culture.It was a few years back, and he was stopped

your $$$$$, for your vi$ionarie$$$$

2007-05-16T17:54:00.000+08:00

Background to this story: I think this post of mine was probably prompted by the latest salvo of posts that i happened to see to the Sg_Review yahoogroup (and here, i must really emphasize this - because like i said, i don't really follow this yahoogroup. Or for that matter, any yahoogroup at all. Too many posts to the group already lah. It's crazy. Have u seen it recently?), but honestly

I think "PuhTay'Doe", and u read "PuhTahToe"!!!

2007-05-14T12:23:00.000+08:00

this is a post primarily about ... well, badly vetted-through domain names as u shall see. Read, and you shall smirk! Just hope that we dont make the same mistakes as well... ;)Taken from "Sam's poor excuse for a blog" (it's an inactive blog, btw - last post September 4, 2006, so dont expect too much over there)But before we go to the good part, let me wax lyrical (just a teensy weensy bit!!!)

a jewel of a performance by Dick Lee - "Count on 'xxx', Singapore"

2007-05-10T03:06:00.000+08:00

thank you, one for all, for spreading such beautiful stuff around!!! ;)

Different types of customers

2007-03-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

Here's a doctor's look at what a difference in customers can make:Third OpinionThree Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, "I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized."Doctor Fitzpatrick says, "I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered."Doctor Ahn says, "I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their

The latest funny one from Comedy Central ;)

2007-02-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

This one's called "Uncle Ted's Morals", but really, i would prefer to call it "The Moral of the Story" (or "Uncle Ted"):Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one.The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive

Playing The Deception Game - He who deceives best WINS????

2007-02-15T15:42:00.000+08:00

Now I know it's been a while since i last posted, but... u know how it is lah. Singapore is just soo boring, nothing to write about lah!!! (actually, there probably was a lot of stuff lah, just that i got lazy. And pls, i have better things to do. Like trying to SAVE UP A LOT OF $$$ so that i won't be sucked dry by the increase in the "CAKE"GST when it hits everybody (equally). But yes, survival

A personal appeal from the creators of TalkingCock.com: please support SINGAPORE DREAMING

2006-09-06T09:55:00.000+08:00

SINGAPORE DREAMING is in cinemas now, with an islandwide release on 7 September 2006!Here are just some of the many great reviews we have received:“It is life in its reality.” - President S.R. Nathan “Funny, moving, intelligent and true. Singapore Dreaming is the best Singapore movie I’ve seen. Don’t miss it on any account.” - Ivan Heng “one solid movie about Singapore, about families, and

Sharing Mr Wang's biscuits - "Pulling a Fast One"

2006-08-26T16:01:00.000+08:00

Eat them!!! :)Really, the solution here is to kill the precious goose that lays your golden egg. (Or squeeze the precious adults that give birth to your precious babies.) In only the hope that these new adults that you bring in will produce more babies to stay.Or something like that.We are in good hands, as always. Pulling the wool (our wool, mind you) over our own eyes. After all, what you don't

have personal blog/pictures, will be publicized

2006-08-01T20:35:00.000+08:00

See the sample here.... And that's the way to go because in Singapore...quote:"... our lawyers had [sic] advised us that as there are no privacy laws in Singapore, the use of blog pictures does not infringe a person's privacy."mentioned here in this hardwarezone thread, or more specifically, this post.But what about the copyright act then???? ClubSNAP discusses.

A Public Service Announcement - "Join the celebrations, Fly our Flag"!!!

2006-07-18T11:47:00.000+08:00

National Day (9th August) is coming soon...Isnt it time to...(let the picture do the talking)???(Note: the above is taken from the July issue of NTUC Lifestyle, page 28)Now i'm guessing that these 4 guys in the picture actually represent the 4 major races in Singapore (i think this is a pretty much acknowledged fact that we have 4 major races), so Which 4 major races are these? Let's see now.

if u're having trouble understanding the whole net neutrality thing (and why the hell it matters)....

2006-07-08T11:09:00.000+08:00

try this...I'll admit that most of the sites around the net havent been able to communicate effectively what all the fuss is about (i mean, take this Wikipedia entry - do u reeally need to get any more simpler than this????). So much of our lives is intertwined around the net nowadays (think email, think social sites, think hobby sites, think independent-and-free-thinking-news, think blogging...

damn u, and ur motherfucking tubes!!!

2006-07-07T23:32:00.000+08:00

Ted Stevens (also known elsewhere as "jackass", "motherfucker", and other sorts of savoury names ("savoury", or "unsavoury" depending on who u think is actually better than who - label, or person)) purports to wade in on a topic on which he has literally no expertise at all.As evidenced by the stupid diatribe that he proposes to dish out on his ("Ted Stevens remixes the Internet") page...Quote:(

Transcribed, and De-culturalized - the Downwind Media Tourism Australia advert spoof

2006-06-30T20:01:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Daniel Ilic, Executive Producer (woo-oah!!) at Downwind.Media for being ever so nice as to help me out with this...I talked about the Downwind Media spoof earlier here (see Australian news, for Singaporeans), and while i must say that most of u should have been entertained by it, i am sure that a lot of u (well, at least me) will probably be somewhat clued out on some of the subtleties

Australian news, for Singaporeans

2006-06-24T23:03:00.000+08:00

We do love Australia, don't we? We really do! Often among the top 5 emigration destinations for Singaporeans looking to escape from paradise#, and even for stayers, among the top tourist destinations, Australia represents more than just "another country" for us Singaporeans. So it is with this background that i present to you this list of Australian news...First of all, let's diss Australia (oh,

Racist website?? or foul joke??? YOU decide!!!

2006-06-22T21:25:00.000+08:00

Presenting... the...Wait!!! Go back, Re-wind!!!Here in Singapore, how could we do this to you, right??? WE - THE MOST INFORMED GODS... - WILL DECIDE THIS for you....And we tell you that... "(Sorry. Investigations are still underway)".Check it out!! "rent-a-negro.com"In the meantime, let me present a list of the Additional Services (on top of the regular services) that you may be able to

a million monkeys could surely not type Shakespeare, but how about a decently worded joke at least??

2006-06-22T20:35:00.000+08:00

I suspect Comedy Central is into the "cheap labor" (Mexico, anyone???) game, but aside from that (oh, and quite a few repeated emails) I guess you just have to take the bad with the good...Camoflauge Clothing [sic]There once was pirate captain [sic] who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the

BREAKING NEWS: BAD SHIT ABOUT TO HAPPEN IN SINGAPORE!! - 2006 "OMEN"...

2006-06-20T06:58:00.000+08:00

(NOTE: pls read these 2 forum posts first in order to understand and appreciate the background behind what I am about to write. READ ONLY THOSE 2 ONLY!! This will then allow u to go into the proper frame of mind to appreciate the funniness of what I am about to write...)Yes, yes, yes, here we go again, people. Movies, movies, movies... and crazy funny "nice" numbers. :) The OMEN premiered with '

Net(work) Neutrality

2006-06-12T20:46:00.000+08:00

who is right, and who is wrong??What a complicated discussion!!Have your say at http://wait,_i_am_not_a_US_citzen.orgBUT!... leaving it in the hands of a few... a trusted few... is that right?? Here is Google's take.There are a few videos floatin' around right now, talking about the topic, that u could watch, but u know what? Here at I, Am A COMEDiAN, we will recommend the best sequence of videos

Whose Money Is It Anyway?

2006-06-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

A thief stuck a pistol into a man's ribs and said, "Oeei!! Give me your money!!"The man shocked by the sudden attack, said "Do uuu know who I am??? I am a minister!!!"The thief (looking at him): "In that case, give me myyy money back!!"(Note: this joke has been localized. In place of "congressman", I have used the term "minister" instead. Original joke called "Congressman's Money" from Comedy

Misguided

2006-06-08T20:13:00.000+08:00

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles."We're lost!" One of the hikers complained."And you said you were the best guide in the United States.""I am," the guide answered, "but I think we may have wandered into Canada."(Courtesy, Comedy Central)

Mr Lee gets the letter of congratulation from openDemocracy for being named May's "Bad Democrat of the Month" (for May 2006)

2006-06-02T20:35:00.000+08:00

saw this piece a' news on Singabloodypore. WOW, now THIS is FUNNY....Read the letter here.Singabloodypore's post about this may be found here.Now did i say that u can READ THE LETTER HERE?? (if u havent already) Really, u will laugh!! There is even a voting system!! ;) Think "Bad Democrat Idol"....Fictional scenario -"Simon Cowell": u can't sing.. u can't dance, ... u can't govern with more than

"Teacher Arrested"

2006-06-02T20:20:00.000+08:00

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI

did i read that correctly???

2006-05-30T23:54:00.000+08:00

Technorati news... -Technorati Teams With The Associated Press to Connect Bloggers To More Than 440 Newspapers NationwidePosted by Peter Hirshberg on May 23, 2006. Tags: Technorati NewsTechnorati and the Associated Press this morning initiated a service to connect bloggers to more than 440 AP member newspapers nationwide.The Associated Press is the world's largest and oldest news service

HOT BUNNY HUBBIN'

2006-05-29T01:47:00.000+08:00

if u're interested in seeing how HOT BUNNIES "HUB" each other... why not consider Channel X's launch video? Hmmm?? ;)I found it rather all interesting, and quite serendipitously "collaborative", too! considering that the part of which i'm talking about here ties in soo very nicely with that joke from TalkingCock which i've featured here in my intro. Youuu say "polis", i say "hub"!!And here's the

and then there was yet one more...

2006-05-27T16:05:00.000+08:00

Spare a thought for our fellow Singaporeans at Hougang and Potong Pasir, will u?

now one more reason why u should get your dosage of I-S magazine regularly

2006-05-27T02:28:00.000+08:00

...besides being able to catch up on the latest happenings, and lifestyle events in town, u can also get some top sado-masochistic laughs by reading such wonderful editorials as this:from the latest, May 26 2006 Issue -Ban 'em allNow that the campaign to ban the movie The Da Vinci Code from audiences under 16 years-of-age is a complete success, it is time to aim for a much more ambitious goal.We

Microsoft and a Halter Top

2006-04-29T21:16:00.000+08:00

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?Both offer very little support!(courtesy, Comedy Central)

Ned: The Most Popular Man in the World

2006-04-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat."Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm

here's one for the people ;) ;)

2006-04-11T20:20:00.000+08:00

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One.The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "

'uniquely Singapore', by PeasantMoNkEy, lol

2006-03-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

saw this being quoted in this Hardwarezone "Current Affairs Lounge" thread... -----What type of singaporean are u?So, you criticise the judiciary, you are SCANDALISING it.You criticise PAP leaders, you are DEFAMING them.You criticise the govt, you are DISLOYAL.You migrate, you are a QUITTER.You ask about the govt reserves & investment, you can not know cos it's NATIONAL SECURITY.You ask for press

and now, for something non-comical

2006-02-27T00:38:00.000+08:00

i just thought that i would post about the following story after having read about it today - a touching story of a dog's tale & me - "Unlikely dog tale tops U.S. best-seller list"If u're a dog lover - or even a human!! (**politicians do not count - u'll need a "heart-ware" upgrade) - do consider reading the therein-mentioned book.Quote:-----------PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - The tale of a

The Daily Show - "High Volume Email Deployment"

2006-02-25T16:04:00.000+08:00

Google rejects Justice Dept. bid for search info

2006-02-19T05:50:00.000+08:00

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Google Inc. on Friday formally rejected the U.S. Justice Department's subpoena of data from the Web search leader, arguing the demand violated the privacy of users' Web searches and its own trade secrets.here.

Porsche and Hedgehog

2006-01-25T11:29:00.000+08:00

Porsche and HedgehogWhat's the difference between a porsche and a hedgehog?A hedgehog has pricks on the outside!(from Comedy Central)

"I want u to laugh HARDER!!! u got that???"

2006-01-22T19:07:00.000+08:00

Laughter May Be the Best Medicine - AFPJan. 20, 2006— It's been said that laughter is the best medicine, but no one has yet to prove it. Now a Japanese scientist is unlocking the secrets of the funny bone, which he believes can cheer up people's genes.Geneticist Kazuo Murakami has teamed up on the study with an unlikely research partner: stand-up comedians, who he hopes can turn their one-liners

COME ON!!! SUE George Soros!!!

2006-01-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

i am waiting for the government of Singapore to sue George Soros over some "defamatory statements" that he made.Original news links -AFP via Yahoo! News:Singapore not an open society: George SorosOthers:Soros criticizes Singapore's lack of political freedomFor our local politicians who just so loove to sue (or "bankrupt", as the case may be), this sounds like the perfect chance to re-visit that

"Feel the Hot Burn of Shame!!!" - Comedy Central again

2006-01-15T21:45:00.000+08:00

Did you hear the one about the Catholic porn film?It was 10 minutes of sex and 50 minutes of guilt.